Commentating Bloopers and Miscellaneous Cricket Quotes

Did they really say that?
-------------------------

Yorkshire 232 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111.
                  - John Snagge, BBC News

Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end.
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio

Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry 
Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the
ground.
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time.
                  - Richie Benaud, Channel 9

If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're 
left two short.
                  - Bob Massie, ABC Radio

This game will be over any time from now.
                  - Alan McGilvray, ABC Radio

It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to
make big inroads into this Australian batting line-up.
                  - Max Walker, Channel 9

Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a 
three-ponged prace attack.
                  - Tim Gavel, ABC News

In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will 
dance down the piss and mitch one.
                  - Tony Greig, Channel 9

It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's
been a good, entertaining day's cricket.
                  - Tony Benneworth, ABC Radio

It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and 
Marsh threw his head in the air.
                  - Jack Potter, 3UZ

Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle.
                  - Richie Benaud, Channel 9

Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary.
                  - Jim Maxwell, ABC Radio

Daddy, I want to go uckies.
                  - Hamish Maxwell, 2, to his father Jim, 
                     ABC Radio

On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came 
off.
                  - Trevor Bailey, Radio 3

He didn't quite manage to get his leg over.
                  - Jonathan Agnew, after Botham had spun around
                     off balance and tried to step over the 
                     wicket unsuccessfully, BBC

Q: Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been 
   vindicated by the result?
A: I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what 
   they want.
                  - Mike Gatting, ITV

I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss.
We may be in the wrong sign...Venus may be in the wrong 
juxtaposition with somewhere else.
                  - Ted Dexter, explaining away England's seventh
                     successive Test loss, to Australia at 
                     Lord's, 1993

There was a slight interruption there for athletics.
                  - Richie Benaud, referring to a streaker at 
                     Lord's, BBC TV

The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC

I was on 99...I got really scared. I pooped my pants, missed the
next ball and was bowled.
                  - Brad Hodges, Victorian batsman, on his 
                     dismissal in a Melbourne under-12 cricket 
                     final.

Say, when do they begin?
                  - Grouch Marx, watching a cricket match at
                     Lord's

It's funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket
fan, it's when you realise that your wife left you in May.
                  - Denis Norden, British television writer and
                     compere

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
                  - Robin Williams, American actor

Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns 
cricket match into gang warfare.
                  - Mike Brearley, 1980

Cricket is like sex films. They relieve frustration and tension.
                  - Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat

Is there any sex in it?
                  - Peter Sellers, as a psychiatrist upon first 
                     learning about cricket in What's New 
                     Pussycat, 1965

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let the 
players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always
works in our picnic matches.
                  - Paul Hogan, Australian actor

Gower is a goot captain, and is goot knowledge and literatured 
in the wars.
                  - William Shakespeare, in Henry V

There is a widely held and quite erroneous belief that cricket is
just another game.
                  - HRH the Duke of Edinburgh

 Contributed by aslam (asiddiqui@xray.indyrad.iupui.edu)

-- More bloopers --

Lloyd's talking to his SLIPers.
                  - Channel 9 commentator.

Marshall's bowling with his head.
                  - ABC commentator.

The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright.
                  - Jim Maxwell
and the riposte
That's right!
                  - Norm O'Neil(?)

And Jajeda is dijappointed...Jadeja is ji..da..I'll come again, 
Jajeda..okay Jadeja looks downcast.
                  - Tony Grieg on Channel 9.

I don't know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are
doing, they sure are doing it well.
                  - Pete Sampras on watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord's.

Q: Darryl, who are your favourite actors?
Cullinan: Dustin Hoffman and some Aussie bowlers in the act of 
appealing.

Q: What's your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.

 Contributed by Krishna Kumar (kumar@cs.concordia.ca)